I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
