I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
