I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
