when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
