i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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