You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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