Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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