Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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