Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My cat gives me a boner
someone owes me an orgasm
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
