perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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