The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
