i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
