sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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