fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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