you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
