I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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