did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
NoShamevember. You game?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
