shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
