Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
