Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
