im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
