Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
