Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
