They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Farmville is her only friend.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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