Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
