We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
