There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
