those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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