hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
third nipple confirmed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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