Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
