i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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