I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
