Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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