Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
