Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
