so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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