I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
