Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
