I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
