Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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