Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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