I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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