the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
