I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she peed on how many people?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
