I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
