What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
