Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My vagina is officially offended.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
