i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
