I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
