If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We're too hungover to prance.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
