Got a toothbrush?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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