does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
