splinters make it hard to masturbate
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
