is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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